Kanye's "Stunner Shades"

Here is a trend that just can't die fast enough. Actually, it is sort of dying already, but I would like to expedite the total obliteration of this embarrassing fashion trend.

These sunglasses...well...I suppose you can't call them sunglasses because they have no lenses. Where did Kanye find these things? Sunglasses are supposed to protect your eyes from the sun and allow you to see in bright places. What benefit do these facial venetian binds offer?

Isn't Kanye supposed to be flaunting Louis Vuitton and all that? Perhaps he spent too much on the coin purse and have to save a few bucks on the eyewear. Kanye, if you're reading this, it's called discount designer sunglasses. Buy them used and no one will no the difference. Don't worry, this converstion stays between us. Blogger-celeb confidentiality and all that.

Do these things remind anyone else of Jordi from Star Trek? I know it's not really the same thing...but c'mon. Take a look:

vs

Not that far of a stretch, right? Actually, now that I brought Jordi into this, Kanye's "stunner shade" sunglasses actually seem a teeny bit cooler. However, they have a long way to go to coolville.

If I was Nicholas Cage

First of all, I'd stop talking like everything I say is so intense, when it's not. I would also probably talk a little bit louder.

Next, I would stop drinking. Please don't get me wrong, I love drinking. I am not going to stop drinking. But if I was Nick Cage, I definitely would.

Then, I would stop bleeding so much money right out of my butt. What the heck is he thinking? He has to have the worst money management problems in the entire world. How much money does he need to stay in the black? Srsly.

Finally, I would call up John Travolta and ask him if he thinks there is any real possibility of them swapping faces.

That's about it.